I Miss Being Pregnant

yeah.....and I've already had thoughts of having a second one - ME - Errolyn - the self-professed child hater! That was the old me....now every child is so cute and whatever they do is adorable....

Julian is growing well, he's 7.5kg now and stands at 61cm at 4 months of age. Last weekend we went back to Penang for the first time and the journey was an adventure - 5 hours drive with only 1 incident of poo up the back! Hahahahhahahaha.....

I'm still exclusively breastfeeding and hoping to continue for as long as I can. Milk expressed during the day at the office is used for feeds the next day while I feed directly at night and throughout the night!

Julian is such a joy - he's smiling and laughing and babbling so much now - I can't wait til he says Mama Dada. And I am indeed blessed to have such a support system around me.

There are so many colleagues pregnant at work now! The men have been productive! And it certainly is a BOY year! I am going to wait for a girl year to get pregnant next - maybe the Dragon year?

And oh yeah! Julian had his hair cut!!!!

BH - Before Haircut

AH - After Haircut

Almost 4 months

....and my babe is blowing bubbles, yakking and sucking his own thumb or fist - whichever is more accessible hahahahaha.....And it's true what they say about when a baby starts blowing bubbles, the mother's hair starts falling off.....My drain cover looks like a Lilliputan head of hair on hair washing days....Aiyo, scary! I'm going bald I feel like.

Yikes, it's almost 4 months now - am still breastfeeding exclusively and I hope to continue for as long as possible. The baby does new things everyday. Tonight, I tried to let him stand and he did manage to carry his own weight for a couple of seconds. I have also started lifting him up by his armpits cos his neck is now much more steady. He lovessss the tv and doesn't like to be carried in a prone position anymore - that's for babies he seems to wail each time someone mistakenly does that.

He doesn't seem to smile so readily for me but he yaks away and smiles at his dad and grandma PJ lots. I really hope my parents also build a close loving relationship with him even though they are so far away and don't spend much time with him at all.....that's one of my biggest worries!

We're going home to Penang soon - in the car, in the car seat. Had a tough time deciding whether to fly or to drive but in the end, cost and the doctor's advice won out - well, she said that driving would be a safer medical option in terms of exposure to foreign virus and etc....the plane is an enclosed, recycled air environment with lots of people all stuck together......Ju Han hopes he can drive safely all the way though.

Am also glad to see and hear the daddy learning how to enjoy his baby more and more. Warms my heart!

Back to Work

So much has happened recently. I’ve gone back to work – this week is Week No. 2 and while I am not crying buckets in the office, I am eager to get off and go home. Hugging my boy and smelling his baby smell is wonderful. I do the same before leaving for work in the morning. Still expressing to breastfeed. Am very very lucky that my office building has a Mothers’ Room where we can express in private and confidence and then keep the milk in a fridge! Also very happy to note that my claim benefits have gone up in my absence so immunizations can at least be partly sponsored….


Last night I laid my hand on my baby’s chest as he slept and feeling his heart beat as his chest rose and fell with each breath is just miraculous. I look forward to seeing him every day and every night, shopping is a non-hobby anymore cos I don’t even feel like going out for long periods of time….2 hours is my max without glancing at my watch every few minutes to check when I need to go, go, go!

He’s changed and grown so much. He’s learning to communicate now with baby talk and lots of smiles and laughs! And sometimes, he’s got this wide doe eyed look which just kills me! We haven’t cut his hair so now it’s like Shibakarikun – you know the grass seedling head that you water and grass grows out of the top of his head? Hahahahahha – Ju Han doesn’t want to cut Julian’s hair – says it’s the only time when the boy can have long hair….

My 3 month old BABE!

The First Years True Fit Convertible Car Seat

The Motherhood Expo 2011 - Wow, talk about a small expo! Only 1 hall at MidValleylah. Nevertheless, I bought some stuff - BabyOrganix Top to Toe Cleanser Buy 3 Free 2 as well as visited Jusco downstairs for some much needed new clothes for Baby Julian - who would think 6 sets of baby clothes would cost almost RM100 with 10 and 20 percent discounts at that!!!

Then we rushed off to Shah Alam to get our The First Years True Fit Convertible Car Seat. It's so cool and yes, I got it from LittleWhiz.com. Since delivery was RM100 and upon checking the GPS in my phone where it told me the warehouse/showroom was only 25km away, we decided to drive on over to have a look before buying it. There was a display unit on show at the expo but it was the original True Fit whereas the one we bought is the latest in the line - after it won the 5Star award from America's National Highway Transportation Administration (NHTSA) for 'Ease of Use'. As they see it, if a car seat is easy to install and use, it is less likely to be installed and used incorrectly. It's a nice colour as well - the Urban Life.

We saw display units (apparently shops only get 1 unit a time) in Jaya Jusco (MidValley and Sunway Pyramid only) and Mom's Care and even at Mothercare so with the existing RM200 discount at LittleWhiz and it being a new unit, we felt we had to drive to Shah Alam lah. Only Jusco had the same RM200 discount from its original price of RM999. Everyone else only had a RM100 discount.

Will try to use it when we drive back home soon and see how it goes. So far, we've put Julian in it now for some time and he seems to enjoy it. It must be as comfortable as it claims to be. The seat is very deep as it is ready for newborns all the way to 12 years old or 65lbs. So now we push his butt into the deep hollow to make sure his spine is straight and he's sitting on his butt and not curled up like a C.

He was smiling just before the shutter clicked! PROMISE!

Side view

Full Frontal



Ok, this one is just to show off my babe! :)



Controlled Crying

Yeah, that's what we've been practicing but it kinda fizzled out before the end of the first week. I usually feed him, then rock and sing to him abit until I see that he is sleepy and then just put him in his cot. The times when he's not sleepy and fusses I pick him up - well, if he isn't sleepy, he isn't sleepy right? Especially when the days have been raining and he's sleeping the whole of the day.

I can't bear to see him cry even though it did get easier as time went on but yeah, this is my time to bond with him and for him to realise and know that I love him and will always be there for him - how can I leave him to cry for hours when that is what is staring me in the face?

As with anything else, I guess phases will end....and I was pretty much doing Controlled Crying to teach him, not to fall asleep himself, which he can do, but for him to realise and learn that people can't carry him ALL the time. Yeah, Julian doesn't like being left alone. But then I read that premature babies are usually more fussy and more demanding and that the extra cuddling etc helps mold a balanced, confident human being so I am SOLD! :)

I just want him to be happy, know that he is loved, balanced, healthy physically, mentally and spiritually and well-rounded. That is all - a Mother's Prayer.

Back to Work!!!!

The best places to touch a baby are (in no particular order):


1. his butt
2. his elbow (I like pinching the little valley there)
3. his knuckles
4. his michelin arms
5. the back of his neck.

Wow! I can't believe 3 months have flown by, I am almost due to go back to work and I can't imagine it. Yesterday he spent the afternoon with the nanny while I watched 'Eat, Pray, Love' and when the movie ended, I couldn't wait to get back together with him. I missed him so much!

He started discovering his fist and mouth earlier this month and a couple of days ago, managed to get one thumb into his mouth! So exciting though Ju Han says it's a bad habit and apparently can damage the growth of his teeth but it is sooo cute when he tries to get his hand into his mouth....I have been leaving his hands and feet bare since he's been 2 months so that they can develop, he can explore them and also so he won't be so hot in the middle of our Malaysian afternoons....so have had to clip his nails every so often (and boy do they grow fast!!). Even so, today he played with his hands and scratched many red welts into one half of his face! I am thinking he is right handed.

So, anyway, we are off to my hometown soon - can't wait though Ju Han is worried about the long drive back. I am so excited to show him off and of course just to share him with the many people who were so generous and happy when he arrived! Hope he demonstrates his happy nature - he can smile and laugh responsively now.

We're off to the Motherhood Expo 2011 tomorrow to get a car seat...I am, well, We are, again, partial to the First Years brand since we have used them and found them great. Again, I state, I love their items cos I feel they were developed with a mother and child in mind. Everything has a function and aesthetically they look fine too. But basically, the most important thing is that the entire design is always made to facilitate the mother and child - and they're also kinda like Ikea - any little space/portion, if can be made to house an aid of use, will. The only thing I have of theirs that I think isn't necessary for me is the magnifying glass that comes with the nail clipper. I wasn't going to buy that one anyway - they have an ordinary one as well - but when the time came to buy, it seemed like the ordinary one was out of stock - I couldn't find one with a bloodhound!

The days have been raining so much here in the afternoon and we're kinda concerned with the radiation dust
particles coming down with the rain so I can't take Julian out in the evening anymore. I could take him out in the morning but we usually sleep in.

I'm in the midst of planning my back to work routine - like what time do I 'force' feed him before I hand him over to the nanny and I get ready for work. Then I'm off for 9-10 hours, hope to be back by half past six so I can spend some time with him before I zoom off to the gym....It's amazing and sad to think that in a 12 hour day, I only get to see my son a total of 4 hours on the days I go to the gym....sad that the most time I spend with anything is with a job! Priorities!

I also think that maternity leave should be 6 months long and up to the mother to choose when she wants to exercise it. This is cos the first 3 months (and I AM grateful for a 3 month long leave) the baby only sleeps and poos and eats....yes, there is bonding and should be lots of cuddling but the baby doesn't really recognise anybody yet except for the mum and dad and that too cos he's spent so much time listening to them and feeling them while in utero. So if it were me, I would take 1 month off immediately after birth to rest and recuperate, and then take off again at the 4th month when growth and development starts then 6th month when he learns how to sit up and play, maybe crawl and then 9th, 10th and 11th month when he's starting to walk and move around.

As it is I have to depend on the kindness of 'strangers' to educate and teach and play with my child when it's most important - Now I can understand why overseas, people take off the first or first couple of years to spend with their child. It's invaluable and more importantly, irreplacable.

Last night's sleep....

...went easy. He was out like a light following his bedtime routine of a feed and a song....Here's hoping it will always be like this!

But yesterday afternoon I had to let him cry a couple of times....heart wrenching still especially cos this one has the heart and will power of a tiger and he just.won't.back.down. He cries til his little arms are cold to the touch meaning he's expending all his oxygen on the wails.....but of course I keep track of it. Once, he cried for 35 minutes with me checking in on the 10th and 15th minute intervals and then later in the day, he cried for just 6 minutes, then stopped and I was going to go in and reward him with a cuddle when he started again.....he then proceeded to cry for 4 minutes and stopped.....Yeay.....

Disciplining the Kid

Wow, tonight is when we start to train Julian to fall asleep on his own and to not always demand to be carried. It breaks my heart but we are implementing the Controlled Crying technique where we let him fret/cry for certain periods of time before going to reassure him that we are there but that he has to go to sleep. Then we leave - without picking him up. Oh my Heart! :(

Tonight we put him to bed following his bedtime routine at 10pm. He fretted by himself for approximately 10 mins then it escalated into crying full force by 10.15pm. We let him cry for 10 minutes then checked on him. We told him gently and firmly while patting him that it was bedtime and we love him. Then we left him again. He almost immediately stopped crying after that! But then it started up again for a little while before winding down and he fell asleep!

Then later in the night it started again and we waited 10 minutes again however, since it was about 2 hours since his last feed, we thought it best to feed him - after all, we are not trying to be cruel to the little tyke! Just some discipline but he needs to know we love him and will be there for him when it's necessary, not cos he demands it!

After the feed, we told him again it was bedtime, kissed him goodnight and put him down to bed. So far, so good.....he hasn't fallen asleep yet but my keyboard is rather loud......though we need to ensure he can sleep with some noise cos no situation/environment can be perfectly silent.

It's most definitely not easy - I had to leave the room the first round cos I can't bear to hear him cry and most assuredly, mothers!, steel yourself when you go in for reassurance - the little tiny face is almost too much to bear with little red swollen eyes and wet cheeks - lordy!

If your kid doesn't stop crying after the first ten minute check, you've gotta wait a little while longer like 12 or 15 minutes before the next check and keep lengthening the duration of letting him cry. Although like Ju Han stresses, we have to be aware that after some long crying periods, legitimate reasons for him to cry such as he is hungry or dirty or uncomfortable could arise, so to be aware of that and to check for that too.....

So, I pray that Julian learns this lesson quickly so we both don't have to cry so much! :)

The days of yester....months

I can't believe it's almost 3 months now that Baby Boy Julian was born. He's changed so much and still changes from day to day. His vocabulary is increasing - he can now scream in addition to saying 'Geh'. Hhaahahhaha....

I spend a lot of time looking at him now (thanks to my employer for 3 months matenrity leave!) and have begun kissing him at every opportunity. Before, I was quite hesitant to handle him but now I do so with aplomb - switching arms and 'manhandling' him every so often and without much guilt.

He's started enjoying his bath times - no more screaming (touch wood) and depending on how we ease him into it, also more patience when he's playing the role of 'Naked Baby'. Oh no, if he reads this when he's older, he's going to be so embarrased! My sweetest cherub! :)

My mother in law today 'warned' me that time will fly so I'd best enjoy my youth, my beauty and my babe.....I know the philosophy but practising it is another thing altogether but I reckon Ju Han and I should sit down and have a list of what we can do everyday or every week that will make happy times for us. Becuase it's true, time will fly and there will be nought but old bones and dust.....so now I'm online shopping for shoes - what could be better! :)