Happy Mother's Day 8 May 2010

Re: Oh my god, I have ben up half the night watching Julian's diaper. At his midnight change he still hadn't peed since seven in the evening following his feed at six. And just now after his feed at nearly 3am, his diaper still felt dry. After resear

the internet where everyone recommended setting a doctor for non-peeing babies, I decided to conduct a thorough check.Thank God there IS pee!

Ever since I decided to wait for hunger signals before feeding, I've been I'm a state of worry cos the little fella doesn't seem to display alot of signs! The longest he went was 8 hours without a feed, where I couldn't take it anymore and fed him. He gulped at the breast.....so why no signals?

I also recently decided to change his disposable diaper every 6 hours max so it's healthier...lo and behold, our little friend, who's not ever really had nappy rash, starts a little something. We started some cloth diapers at the same time so I'm not sure which is the problem.

Aiyo maybe this change of behaviour on my part is more headache than it's worth!

Like the Chinese say, I causemy own problems!

On 27 May 2011 03:51, "Errolyn Tan" <juer2009@gmail.com> wrote:

Necessary Time Out After Baby Comes 2

It's not easy to do without an understanding helpful partner tho, so make sure daddy understands what happens with new mummies  or else it's just all that harder.Daddies will never understand or be able to relate to what we go through on their own.

So what do I want....a massage, answers to what to do every time my baby cries, a cheat sheet to how to teach and guide him to being a GOOD person and lots of money ha ha. Actually empathy and support and a new mums group in my area.

On 22 May 2011 18:35, "Errolyn Tan" <juer2009@gmail.com> wrote:

I have reached that point now where I know I need some time to myself and to not feel too guilty about taking time for myself. And it seems I'm not alone.

Check this out http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/youafterthebirth/stayingsane/ for how mothers stay sane.

Necessary Time Out After Baby Comes

I have reached that point now where I know I need some time to myself and to not feel too guilty about taking time for myself. And it seems I'm not alone.

Check this out http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/youafterthebirth/stayingsane/ for how mothers stay sane.

Trapped

This morning as I woke up with a start and reached over to shut off my 6.15am alarm, I had a terrible feeling of being trapped. Trapped because I knew I had to get up soon and go to work, trapped because I was still tired and sleepy, trapped because I didn’t know when the next feeding would be and when it would end.

But it was a momentary lapse in the whole experience of being a mom. Actually I shouldn’t call it a lapse because the feelings of being trapped, or being unhappy, or feeling like your whole life has been turned around and you don’t think it will ever come back again – that is all a part of being a parent and even more, a mother. Every mother feels this, secretly or not, I believe. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I have been really exhausted with Julian before, but this is my first time of feeling trapped.

I would love to just take a break, go back to the way I was, the way we were, take a holiday, think only of myself, sleep through the night, spend hours at a mall without missing a baby or feeling guilty about leaving him alone at home when I could be helping him develop. I would love it, but then I would never give up having a child. At the end of the holiday, or after the second I feel lost or tired, I thank God I have Julian in my life. 

Moments in Time @ 4 months

Ooooh! I love sitting up!!!

With Auntie Janice and Grandma Christine

I Want What I Want and I WANT IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Finally I meet you Great Grandma Penang!

Being cute pays the bills!

With Grand Auntie Kim and Grand Uncle Lee

Grandpa David! Holding me in the same pose he held mummy 35 years ago!!!



Caught! With Winnie!



What a difference a Laugh Makes!

Today is the Labour Day May 1 holiday - it's a Monday and I am home alone with my son. He's past 4 months old now and a regular little firespark. He smiles, babbles, laughs and throws tantrums like there's no tomorrow. He seems to have quite a temper - I guess I can't really expect any different knowing myself and his father :) Last night, he was asleep when the thunder rolled and he woke up howling - not cos he was afraid but he was adamantly angry that the thunder had disrupted his sleep! He kicked up a big old fuss - I was out to dinner but that's what Mother In Law reported. By the time I got back, he had been placated, pleaded with, pacified, fed and rocked to an uneasy sleep - all of which resulted in failure except for sleep.

But then lo and behold, when I look over him and smile, he opens his eyes and smiles back! Everyone is astonished by the change in behaviour - yes, this is how children behave with their mothers and somehow, it makes it all worth it.

I feel I have been remiss at capturing some of Julian's moments. We don't own a video camera but have been taking some pictures on camera and on phone. And I do keep a diary of how he progresses.....but time flies so fast and he changes almost instantaneously. I'm not even home during the work day to see what he does!

Now it seems, he loves being lifted up into the air by his armpits - he laughs so cheekily and with such abandon - I WILL have to take a picture of it. Also, one week ago, I discovered he also enjoys being sucked (with loud noises, mind you) in the crook of his neck......When you turn him around, his mouth is open in a big O of silent merriment! Only this morning, he had awakened and was talking to himself for quite some time - what sounded like perhaps 2-3 sentences.....I was sitting up in bed, just listening to him when his dad asks, "Did you hear that??" from under the blanket. I did indeed and I would pay anything to hear it again. So today, he is in a talkative mood - babbling away to the TV, to me and to his fingers..... :)

He's getting a big big for his baby bath already so I've gotta look at the next step and also gotta start preparing the safety gate and think about where he can learn to crawl now....The biggest thing I worry about is the dog and dog hair downstairs.....and also the fact that his maternal grandparents don't see him all that frequently. I really wish for them to have a close loving relationship...

My friend just asked me via email today, how is my life, aside from Julian....I don't know how to respond - my life aside from Julian? Sounds tacky but there isn't much aside from Julian; or at least I feel that way - there's work - which is going well since I am now working on a new product and have more avenues and opportunities to show creativity and a supportive boss who allows me to take risks and teaches me lessons.....there is gym - where I'm trying to be disciplined and go 3 times a week, I would love to go and try out a group exercise class, and am finishing up on my introductory personal training classes - how do I tell my personal trainer that I am not going to spend another RM4k on lessons with him???, there is singing - which is great once a week though my biggest hurdle is getting over the mindset that I'm not good cos that's holding me back even while my vocal teacher keeps telling me every week that I have the talent, and most importantly, there is family - my husband, my parents, my sister, my parents in law and of course Julian falls into this category - I mean, Julian isn't a category in and of himself - hehehehheeeeee.....So, of course, I don't have as much time as before with hubby and of course I don't have as much mall time and weekend easy peasy let's just go activities and of course, I don't go back home to Penang as much anymore.....because yes, it's true - the little one DOES take up a lot of time and alot of EFFORT - make no mistake. But when I tell you it's worth it, it's worth it.

No other mother will be able to explain what that means 'It's worth it!', and I can't myself cos language has not yet created a word or even words deep enough or broad enough to encompass and convey the emotions you feel.

Daddy is also feeling it now, I can tell - his most telling sentence - 'It feels good to know I'm coming home to wife and child'.

I Miss Being Pregnant

yeah.....and I've already had thoughts of having a second one - ME - Errolyn - the self-professed child hater! That was the old me....now every child is so cute and whatever they do is adorable....

Julian is growing well, he's 7.5kg now and stands at 61cm at 4 months of age. Last weekend we went back to Penang for the first time and the journey was an adventure - 5 hours drive with only 1 incident of poo up the back! Hahahahhahahaha.....

I'm still exclusively breastfeeding and hoping to continue for as long as I can. Milk expressed during the day at the office is used for feeds the next day while I feed directly at night and throughout the night!

Julian is such a joy - he's smiling and laughing and babbling so much now - I can't wait til he says Mama Dada. And I am indeed blessed to have such a support system around me.

There are so many colleagues pregnant at work now! The men have been productive! And it certainly is a BOY year! I am going to wait for a girl year to get pregnant next - maybe the Dragon year?

And oh yeah! Julian had his hair cut!!!!

BH - Before Haircut

AH - After Haircut

Almost 4 months

....and my babe is blowing bubbles, yakking and sucking his own thumb or fist - whichever is more accessible hahahahaha.....And it's true what they say about when a baby starts blowing bubbles, the mother's hair starts falling off.....My drain cover looks like a Lilliputan head of hair on hair washing days....Aiyo, scary! I'm going bald I feel like.

Yikes, it's almost 4 months now - am still breastfeeding exclusively and I hope to continue for as long as possible. The baby does new things everyday. Tonight, I tried to let him stand and he did manage to carry his own weight for a couple of seconds. I have also started lifting him up by his armpits cos his neck is now much more steady. He lovessss the tv and doesn't like to be carried in a prone position anymore - that's for babies he seems to wail each time someone mistakenly does that.

He doesn't seem to smile so readily for me but he yaks away and smiles at his dad and grandma PJ lots. I really hope my parents also build a close loving relationship with him even though they are so far away and don't spend much time with him at all.....that's one of my biggest worries!

We're going home to Penang soon - in the car, in the car seat. Had a tough time deciding whether to fly or to drive but in the end, cost and the doctor's advice won out - well, she said that driving would be a safer medical option in terms of exposure to foreign virus and etc....the plane is an enclosed, recycled air environment with lots of people all stuck together......Ju Han hopes he can drive safely all the way though.

Am also glad to see and hear the daddy learning how to enjoy his baby more and more. Warms my heart!

Back to Work

So much has happened recently. I’ve gone back to work – this week is Week No. 2 and while I am not crying buckets in the office, I am eager to get off and go home. Hugging my boy and smelling his baby smell is wonderful. I do the same before leaving for work in the morning. Still expressing to breastfeed. Am very very lucky that my office building has a Mothers’ Room where we can express in private and confidence and then keep the milk in a fridge! Also very happy to note that my claim benefits have gone up in my absence so immunizations can at least be partly sponsored….


Last night I laid my hand on my baby’s chest as he slept and feeling his heart beat as his chest rose and fell with each breath is just miraculous. I look forward to seeing him every day and every night, shopping is a non-hobby anymore cos I don’t even feel like going out for long periods of time….2 hours is my max without glancing at my watch every few minutes to check when I need to go, go, go!

He’s changed and grown so much. He’s learning to communicate now with baby talk and lots of smiles and laughs! And sometimes, he’s got this wide doe eyed look which just kills me! We haven’t cut his hair so now it’s like Shibakarikun – you know the grass seedling head that you water and grass grows out of the top of his head? Hahahahahha – Ju Han doesn’t want to cut Julian’s hair – says it’s the only time when the boy can have long hair….